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The Turn
By Mongoose Van Dunkelschreiber

I'm waiting for the turn.
When glistening greens become radiant reds,
Or perhaps oriental oranges, and yummy yellows,
When the world becomes a painting to sit and enjoy.
I long to hear the crunching under my feet.
How I yearn to breathe not a drop of water with my fresh air.
Oh I love to walk and feel the breeze bathe my face.
How soothing, that sound of rain tattering amongst the rainbow leaves,
How refreshing it is to sit on my porch, and feel the moistened gusts.
It makes me want to run out and splash in the puddles,
And dance like star girl, my cloths now drenched in mud.
Yes I'm waiting for the turn,
For me summer is over and done.
...


Wow thanks you so much everyone for the views favorites and comments, I am now opening this poem open to be critiqued and would love to hear from you.

I don't claim rights to Star girl, she is own by Jerry Spinelli. This is strictly a non prophet poem for entertainment purposes only.

Hey guys this poem is now adpeted into a song check it out here at www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yUZmt…
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:iconwhitewolf614:
WhiteWolf614 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I loved the mental picture with this one. As a matter of fact, it was so well done that it was more of a mental painting. The "colors" all aligned perfectly with this poem :)
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou so much
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:iconwhitewolf614:
WhiteWolf614 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No prob ^^
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome ^^
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
OMG when did this deviation get 238 views
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:iconsaxgrrrl:
Saxgrrrl Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm not a big fan of Fall. I'm impressed. I suddenly want it all here and all right now. I really shouldn't leave your work in my messages so long. I like them too much.
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
^^
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Honestly guys I've never had so many comments on a deviation befor thank you :iconhugsplz:
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:iconaliforever331:
aliforever331 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love the pictures you paint with your words. Nice job
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much ^^
Reply
:iconaliforever331:
aliforever331 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome! ^^
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
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:iconaliforever331:
aliforever331 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:glomp:
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconsuperglompplz:
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:iconaliforever331:
aliforever331 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconninjaglompplz:
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:matrixfight: let the games begin
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(1 Reply)
:iconphillipskid32:
phillipskid32 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Nothing I love more then day by day, seeing the leaves metamorphose into vibrant colors. This poem is wonderful, but I would take a look at the grammar if I was you. For instance,
I don't think it was intentional, but in the 5th and 8th line you have"here" when it should be"hear", and in the 3rd to last line drench should be drenched. As writers we sometimes miss the simple things because we are paying attention to the way it sounds in our head. That's why proofreading is so important, and also why many authors and poets have a second person proofread when they finish their work.
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe oops. Thanks for pointing that out, proofreading is very hard for me so any help is much appreciated
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:iconphillipskid32:
phillipskid32 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Don't sweat it. If you need any help, I'm here.
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
^^
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:iconawayfromtrouble:
Awayfromtrouble Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I just love fall
might be my favorite season
Btw You just wrote something really amazing
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love the fall as well, which is ironic since it leads into my least favorit season
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:iconawayfromtrouble:
Awayfromtrouble Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Right winter can be rough sometimes
I don't hate it but I like it
It's pretty amazing to look at the snow falling
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I tend to get depressed in the winter
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:iconawayfromtrouble:
Awayfromtrouble Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's a season of melancholy.
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yep the story of my life
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:iconawayfromtrouble:
Awayfromtrouble Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Melancholy is good. I overly appreciate it
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:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't know, for me it can be a serrious depression sometimes
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(1 Reply)
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